At The Federal...

I'm the stick you're the gloss.

At Bull McCabes

I'm a cultural motherfucker.

At James Joyce...

What I need is a pint full of bacon.

At Whiskey...

So this guy emailed me for a date. He's a ninja with a bra on his head.

At Whiskey...

I'm a motherfuckin' rockstar. I'm a badass.  I'm a piece of shit.

At Whiskey...

Isn't that kind of baller?


Today your vagina. Tomorrow the world.

At Nana's....

So you rimmed it with jelly?
-It's a little sticky but it'll do.

At Whiskey...

Blood, spit, & cum is the poetry of love.

Yours tastes like sweet summer sex. Mine tastes like club sex.

I just came up under it and both sides look good.

At Whiskey....

Just click and you might get lucky.

At Whiskey...

I can put all kinds of happy in people's mouths.

At Whiskey...

Smoke past the paranoia.

At Whiskey...

It happens all the time. I'll look at a girl and think, "Did I sleep with her or just talk to her at the bar?"

At Whiskey...

That's like a dick dance on a butthole.

At Whiskey...

If you're a jizz mopper, you're not detail oriented.

At Whiskey...

Sometimes you got to say shit that got to be said. 

At Elvisfest...

I could play with your boobs all night.

Your boobs are really huge.

No, sugar. You may not sleep on the couch in the lobby.

At Fullsteam...

There's a reason Budweiser is a giant corporation. They don't make no fruity ass beer.